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OHP (2003-07-17 01:04) [0]

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The astonishing meeting.

Short Preface.

I’m not in mood to discuss the contents of this story in this little preface, even the main idea of it.

But I can only give notice about its narration as not to be so innocent…

I.

So, now I want to tell you about one meeting, astonishing one. It was in London. I was going along the

street and unexpectedly collided with a girl.
-What a bastard’d collided with me! – I shouted like hell. It was really scared me anyway and I don’t

wanna see anybody, though.
-Oh, excuse me. I’m very sorry to you.
-Wuddge say, babe?
-Don’t be so rude with me, hey.
-Lousy girl, I’ll hump you now at this street!
-You! Jekk!
-Oh, my fucking ass! Who are ya, girl?
-My names’s Britney.
-Well, well, well. So, what’s ya surname?
-Dontcha know my surname?
-Answer my questions, foolish babe. Or I’ll screw ya in yar big stinking ass!
And then I looked at the girl’s ass and thought that it would be pretty cool to hump this very tiny

place because it was very interesting for doing that and all. But, in the meanwhile, I was beginning to

understand that the girl, I wanted to fuck off, wasn’t a usuall girl. She was Britney Spears! Yeah! Britney

Spears! Some time I couldn’t understand anything but then I took myself in my hands and said:
-Ya Britney Spears? Yeah?
-Oh, yeah, my ruding boy!
-But what are ya doing here, kinda crap?
-I’m looking for men. I wanna record a new videoclip.
-Oh, excuse me! Ain’t wanna disappoint ya! And now I take my goddam words away.
-Ok, it’s more better.
-But may I ask ya?
-Yeah.
-Willya take me in your group?
-Ya know, I’ll take you… maybe.
-Oh, shit, that’s, thanks a lot, my johnny’ll be very glad to hear it! Thank you!
So, after that, I sung a part from Britney’s song “Oops!... I did it again…”. And my lousy body went to

the Britney’s business.

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OHP (2003-07-17 01:04) [1]

II.

Ahem, my work was hard as it seemed to me sometimes but my companions often hazed at me ‘cause I was

only a beginner. Anyway they were sort of afraid of me and my fighting character. Most of them had realized it

by that time. I became a dancer. Goddam profession, but what’s to be done. I had to work like hell and all.

Nevertheless I often met with Britney ‘cause I was her lovely dancer. And most of those lousy and phony guys

envied me anyway. Britney liked me on account of my perfect body as she used to say. This damn near

exasperated me goddam hard! Really and trully I didn’t want to be fined, but…
-Hey, Holden, how’re ya? – stopped me Britney once.
-Fine, and ya?
-Well! Are ya gonna my next perfomance?
-Ok!
-You see, maybe, Ya’ll dance in the first row, with me. D’ya wanna that?
-Oh! Good idea! But my reaction, I suppose, won’t be like yours.
She looked at me slantwisely .
-Wuddge mean by that?
-Ya’ve not gotta it?
-Hey! I’ven’t got so much time for slobbering!
-What an irascible babe!
-Hey, shut up, guy!
-Lo!!!
I began acting like a madman. It really drove me crazy!
-What?!
-I can’t stand half-naked girls nearby my bollocks!
-Shit! Mongrel!
-Hey, hold your jaw! D’ya wanna have been humped, hey! Answer my quest!
-So, then I wrapped your lousy johnny into a pipe up! D’ya hear me?
-No, nobody can do that, it’ll come to nothing, and if you don’t believe me now, just at the moment, I

think, you’ll see it there, at your goddam concert, when I’ll be picking your ass into little, very, very

little pieces, red pieces, ‘cause your ass’ll blush because of ashaming in eyes of each sonuvabitch sitting

there. See, now! I’ll give your time to think over’t.
-Oh! What a screwball ya’re! I simply can’t imagine! Fuck his singer, his simply a relative man, which

helped you to make a name, oh! Your lousy, phony name! And where to fuck her!!! At her concert!!! It’s simply

awful, you can’t stay with me anymore. Go away, scum!
-But don’t think so! Let’s endeavour to rectify it. I know one very good method to do it.
-Why the hell? Not likely! All your forces’re directed towards fucking me in my arsehole! Oh, for

Chrissake!
-No, no! See, I know a man whose name is Chermake. D’ya know ‘im, or heard ‘bout ‘im anytime? Maybe ya

know the word “chermakable”?
-Hey, wait a mo! I’ve got this word! “Chermakable” means to do something in an extraordinary way

twicely. Yeah?
-Oh my God! Of course! May I neck you?
-Cutta out, boy!
-I’m not a boy, hey babe! I’m awready an adult man!
-Well, well! Shut up, don’t squeal like a baby. I hate all the signs of slobbering, get it.
-Ok! And what ‘boutta Chermake?
-So, where does he live?
-Ahem, it’s difficult to explain… maybe ya won’t understand me in the true sense of the word…
-Enough slobbering! I’m not in mood to repeat it ‘gain’n’gain! See?
-Yeah, exc’me. He lives… in Russia!
-Jeez! Goddam mongrel! Haw…
-Ya’ve got it I hope?
-Shut up, sniveller! Screwball! Go to fuck a she-dog, motherfuckka!
-Maybe ya right, but not now, babe! Suck my screwhose before it!
-Ya’re simple a crackpot !
-Cutta out, babe!
-But how to get to there?
-I suppose it’ll better to give a concert in Russia.
-And Chermake?
-What Chermake?
-How to get ‘im, stupid!
-Ahem, that’s not a big problem! I know him live in Borky nowadays, village, and I’ve also got his

address, see?
-Oh shit! Very well! I’ll announce ‘bout abolition of my concert in Glasgo and undoubtedly my

perfomance in Russia tomorrow! Eureka! Borky! Yeah! It sounds proudly! Ahahahah…
She laughed not only like hell but simply a whimpery whelpess !
In such a way, I convinced her to give a concert in Russia where this sonuvabitch Chermake lived that

time. This concert would take part in Borky, little village situated in the centre of the whole Russia land.

And this stuff was appointed on the first of October. Why this date indeed? Ain’t know that, Britney wanted

only those bollocks and it’s her affair.

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OHP (2003-07-17 01:06) [2]

III.

Let’s rest a little and transfer in enigmatic Borky for a while. It wasn’t such a big village as, for

instance, Moscow used to be.

ACTIVE VOCABULARY

collide - столкнуться
slantwisely - косо
rectify - исправить
Not likely! - Нашел дурака!
haw - мда
screwhose - шланг (пол. орган)
crackpot - шизик
whimpery whelpess - сопливая скотинка (дословный перевод слишком нецензурен)

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Asteroid (2003-07-17 02:42) [3]

Какой-то грустный рассказ...

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